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Category Archives: Work

The Hardships and Mysteries in the Life of a Worker Bee

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As some of you may have noticed, it’s been awhile since my last post. For those of you who worried, I can assure you I’m not dead. For the past two weeks I’ve simply been too busy (read: lazy) to switch on my computer. Really. Not even to catch up on celebrity gossip or stalk former classmates on facebook (which should tell you something about how serious I’m being right now). The truth is that the transition from student life to employment is kicking my ass.

For the better part of a decade I’ve slept in almost every morning, watched my day time soaps on the telly every day (last I saw, Brooke was back together with Ridge, and I think they were pregnant with Taylor’s baby, although I’m not sure, as there was some maternity confusion there), spent hours discussing the pros and cons of socialist-communist politics (jk, cons were never brought up), interrupted only by the occasional lecture and/or party. And now, after all these years, suddenly I’m expected to get up at 6.30 every morning and partake as a productive member of the real world, for 7.5 hours, five days a week! I’ve been doing it for a few weeks now and I must admit I’m struggling a little bit. I’m exhausted. University never prepared me for this. I can’t for the life of me remember how I for the thirteen years of schooling before university managed to do all this and more, and still had enough stamina left to stay awake beyond nine o’clock in the evenings. Cue soundtrack:

Anyways, I’m getting off track, so I’ll just catch you up real quick on what I’ve been doing for the past two weeks. At work I’ve been vacillating between really busy days of back-to-back meetings and appointments and less busy (but equally tiresome) days, which I’ve mostly spent trying to figure out the meaning of the mirrors suspended in perfect ass-height around the toilet bowl in the employee bathroom. Oddly, none of my co-workers seem as mystified by this as I am; apparently they’re too distracted by their work to focus on the important stuff. But I’ll be damned if I let a few overdue reports get in the way of my solving this puzzle. My hypotheses so far:

  1. The purchasing manager got drunk at last year’s Christmas party and ordered these handy mirrors in order to better admire his backside. Or frontside.
  2. The office has previously experienced trouble with foul odours due to sub-satisfactory wiping among employees, and put up the mirrors in order to make it easier for people to check that they’ve done a proper wipe job.
  3. It’s a one-way mirror used to ensure that none of the employees are trafficking drugs via their various body orifices.
  4. The whole thing is an elaborate prank and there’s an office pool going on how long it takes the newb to figure it out.

To complicate the matter further, I’ve noticed a note on the door stating that this particular bathroom is off-limits between the hours of seven and one o’clock on Tuesdays. No explanation is offered and there’s no name on the note, making me that much more curious as to what the room is really used for, not to mention who’s reserving it for six hours every week (and may I do the same)? Naturally, I’ve cancelled all my appointments for the upcoming Tuesday, and will be staking out the bathroom from across the hall.

If you have some hypotheses of your own, please feel free to help me out!

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Elimidate: Job Interview Edition

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Two weeks ago I went to a job interview. I hate going to job interviews. It feels like I’m on Elimidate, being evaluated, measured up and inevitably dumped for a hotter chick. It’s terrible. I get all nervous and sweaty and start to ramble and forget ordinary words. It’s a disaster every time. For instance, when asked how I thought I would handle a high pressure job, I could have answered something like this: “Well, it will probably be challenging at first, but as I get settled in I’m sure I will be able to handle it nicely”. That answer popped into my head the minute I left. Instead, at the interview, I answered like this: “…Uhh…well… it will probably be a bit chaotic at first… uhm, I mean… not chaotic… but… scary?… ehm, my point is that… when I get a handle on things… it will be okay. Probably.”

Michelle Obama demonstrating the look on the Union Representative's face

Yeah, that’s what I said. Chaotic. Scary. What’s scary is how my IQ drops about 70 points when I’m being interviewed and I lose my ability to produce coherent sentences. I also pointed out about six or seven times how inexperienced and under-qualified I am. The union representative who was there to oversee the interview was giving me the side-eye.  I remember making a crack about Desperate Housewives at some point, and mentioning the fact that I have a car as one of my strengths. It may not seem like it, but I did actually want this job! I left the interview a nervous wreck, but overall feeling good about my performance. After all, it went better than usual.