So, you know how there are good and bad vintages of wine? A few days ago, I went with a friend of mine to the liquor store because she needed some wine for a date night and, well, I had nothing better to do. She kept talking about Spanish wine versus French versus South African and so on, all the while asking my opinion. Trying not to seem clueless, I gave her the best advice I could. “Hey, the label on this one is really pretty”. “France is way snootier than Spain”. “Buy the cheap one, you don’t have any money”. “Isn’t the guy supposed to bring the wine anyway?”
The perceptive reader may have already deduced that I do not know wine. At all. When it comes to wine, I can’t tell French from Spanish or one grape from another. I have no idea what vintages are good or bad. I do, however, know a different sort of vintage. Over the years, I’ve been developing a connaissance for boy vintages. Yeah, it’s a thing. So, let me tell you a little bit about the great vintage of 1978.
You see, this great year of Grease, Garfield and Computer Bulletin Boards, has also produced a rather marvelous stock of good-looking guys. I know it’s shallow and I know nothing about their personalities, but I can’t help the fact that I have eyes and a well-functioning visual cortex, right? So, anyway, I first started noticing this particular vintage back in 1998, when Pacey Witter showed up on my TV-screen and grazed my eyeballs with magnificence. The following year, Nicky Byrne and Westlife sang their way into my throbbing tween heart, while at the same time, I suffered through some dreadfully boring episodes of Once and Again just to get a view of Shane West. James Franco showed up as an adorable pot head on Freaks and Geeks. Josh Hartnett fought aliens and Devon Sawa fought Death, whereas I fought my hormones. Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace were cutesy retro on That 70’s Show. Ian Somerhalder stole my heart (and Jake’s) on Young Americans, followed by Ben McKenzie on The O.C. and Bryan Greenberg on One Tree Hill. Shortly thereafter, Matthew Goode was Chasing Liberty and Jensen Ackles was chasing ghosts and ghouls, while Jesse Metcalfe was chased by a cougar. I could go on, but instead I’ll get to the point.
And here it is, the point, my great epiphany: just as there are good wine years, there are good guy years. I dare say 1978 is one of the best vintages there are. Of course, I have no empirical evidence supporting my claim, but as far I know, neither do wine connoisseurs. However, through my previously mentioned observations and informal data collection I’ve noticed that the birth year of 1978 holds a significantly larger number of genetically blessed males than do previous or following generations. I suppose we’ll never know why. Maybe there was something in the water that year. Though I’ll admit that the role this particular vintage played during my formative years, may have made me somewhat biased. Regardless, our visual cortices rejoice. Cheers!
P.S. Honorable mention goes to the vintage of -74, which has bred such prime specimens as Leonardo DiCaprio and Misha Collins. Not bad, not bad at all!